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Baby Your Baby: A Utah woman's battle with postpartum depression

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Utah woman's battle with postpartum depression (Photo: KUTV)

(KUTV) Approximately one in seven new moms will suffer from postpartum depression. However, it’s something not many people talk about. This is why Kimberly Allen, a Utah mother, decided to share her postpartum depression story with us.

“I remember crying to my husband saying, ‘I hate this. I hate this,” Allen said.

As a new mom, Allen expected her bundle of joy to bring happiness. Instead, it was pure misery. She felt an obligation to take care of her daughter but lacked the loving bond she expected to feel.

Even though friends and family never said anything or brought up her behavior, Allen realized something was very wrong when her thoughts turned violent.

“I’d be in the kitchen. There was a block of knives there one day and I just thought, ‘I could just pick up that knife and go over and stab my daughter and my husband without any problems,” Allen said.

She said she knew those thoughts were not right and did not intend to take action, but regardless of what she did, the thoughts wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t until her six-week follow-up visit with her doctor when she was diagnosed with postpartum depression.

“I was just talking and I mentioned to my doctor the same things I just expressed, and he was busily writing out a prescription for me to take,” Allen said.

However, because of the expectations she had placed on herself and because she was breastfeeding, she was hesitant to take an anti-depressant.

“I didn’t think about how I was feeling. I was thinking, ‘I’m going to suffer in silence so this baby cannot be affected by the medications I would be taking."

A few weeks later she gained the courage to fill her prescription. Two weeks after that she describes feeling as though her head was finally out of the clouds and felt free.

Allen has managed to avoid postpartum depression with her subsequent pregnancies. With her second child, she was put on an anti-depressant six weeks before delivery. With babies three and four, she stayed on the medication throughout pregnancy.

She encourages friends and family of those showing signs of postpartum depression to speak up. Allen hopes her postpartum depression story makes women realize help is available and to speak up if you feel like something isn’t right.

“Get help. Don’t just pass it off and say it will get better or it will go away because more than likely it won’t,” Allen said.

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