BYU Young Single Adult ward dating activity called 'worst idea ever'
(KUTV) An attempt to encourage dating between the church's young single adult members in Provo drew criticism after the rules of the game went viral.
A woman shared a photo of the BYU 45th Ward church flyer on the photo-sharing website, Imgur and added her comment saying the dating activity was “the worst idea ever” and called it “so condescending.”
The flyer, which says the activity is for all ward members of the BYU 45th Ward in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, states that dating is a skill to be learned and developed.
“At first it can be scary, but with practice it is very enjoyable,” according to text on the flyer.
The goal of the dating activity is for the guys to go ask a girl on at least one date a week for the month of November. The guy gets points for asking a girl out. Even if she turns him down, he gets a bonus point.
There are prizes for men and women, but only men get points for asking women out.
“Asking a girl out is still the guy’s responsibility,” states the text on the flyer. It goes on to say women can increase the number of dates they go on by giving men hints or clues that show interest in them.
Each encouraging comment or action is worth one point. In every scenario, if the date is a member of the ward, the participant gets a bonus point.
Girls were given the suggestion to say things like, "what are you doing this weekend" or "could you life something heavy from my car?"
The rules about guys doing the asking goes out the window the week of the Sadie Hawkins dance in mid-November, though. This time the girls get to ask the guy out and plan the date and get double points.
The whole activity is based on the honor system. Everyone keeps track of their participation points, and the winners in four categories will get a dinner for two and a pair of movie passes, according to the flyer.
The categories are: most participation points, best date under $20, best rejection story and best free date.
Tara Workman-Tulley suggested on her public Facebook page that it would be better to give points for being a good listener, respecting your date’s boundaries and how to be a good partner for both genders.
“This is seriously offensive whomever came up with this game,” Workman-Tulley posted. “And it would be better to promote how to have healthy relationships and good boundaries in relationships instead of promoting the idea of a meat market.”
One commenter had an idea what this activity would do for morale in the church ward.
“Hahahaha! Everybody in this ward is going to hate each other by the time this is over!” wrote ThisIs WhyInNeedAHolodeck on Imgur.
Another person said he understood Workman-Tulley's concerns, but could also see the intent of the activity as being something to get the guys to ask out more women.
Others commented that it was “insulting” and “demeaning” to dating and marriage in general. Others suggested the activity perpetuated female passiveness, and one person just wanted the author of the flyer to “learn how to use a semi-colon.”
The picture of the flyer was posted on Imgur by former Mormon John Dehlin, who was excommunicated from the faith in 2015 and is the founder of Mormon Stories Podcast.
